I am writing this blog from a hospital room. I have had a week of feeling absolutely destroyed. Can you imagine hearing the words that after 8 years, you might be in cancer remission? I heard those words a couple weeks ago but as the days ensued, I have had side effects that have put me in fear of being fed intravenously for weeks to come.
Sometimes life brings us a break, only to slam us down with something that feels even harder than the last blow. For me, the cancer treatment has caused scarring in my intestines that has made it impossible to eat for almost two months. Two months. Everyone who knows me knows that I absolutely live to eat, so not being able to have solid foods for such a long time has been quite the humbling experience. I am jokingly calling it my “wedding weight loss plan” but it has been pretty frightening. I watched my sweet mama go through a rapid weight loss that left her looking like a Holocaust victim, so I have some trauma that recurs when I face these trials for sure.
My sweet husband read me a devotional awhile back that told the story of the Fire Lily. Fire Lillies are a beautiful flower that only regrow in the event of being destroyed, most commonly by a forest fire. But when they do experience regrowth…awww the beauty.
Isn’t that the way in our journeys sometimes? We really don’t reach our full potential, or develop real empathy, or experience God at the deepest level, until we are smothered by experiences or trauma that leave us forest-fire dead.
I have seen some images lately of destroyed people: People destroyed by war, by life circumstances. I have met with people knocked down by divorce, betrayal and abandonment. But resilience can come when the trauma lifts, the sun shines again and we realize the strength we have because of Faith and Family and Friends….
Today, I got a little break and the scarring is letting liquids pass through. They were able to remove the tube down my throat and tomorrow we will try something a little more fortified and before long, I will be eating along with my family and friends. I am determined to be a Fire Lily.
How about you? What situation in your life needs to be overcome with the perseverance that asks you to push through scorched earth?
As always, let me know if I can help.
With love,
Sonia
Feel destroyed?: Remember the Fire Lily
I have some really wonderful children who constantly outshine anything I have done in my life. I wish I could take credit for it, but I am quite sure it is a blessing straight from the Lord. However, I have been very intentional in my parenting, and I think every once in awhile I think there is something worth sharing with parents who are not feeling confident in their role.
Parenting is much more than helping a small person become a big person. As parents, we should strive for much more than survival in our young. We have an opportunity, as parents, to instill in our children values and influence that will help them navigate life long after they leave the shelter of our roof. 
Oftentimes when we observe people’s lives through the lens of Facebook, Instagram, or even from across the street, there is no way to know the whole story. When we only observe the glory moments, we open ourselves up to unfair comparison which can lead to all sorts of unhealthy. For example, the headline for our family did not include the IEP meetings from grade school, the obstacles overcome for the current title, last week’s hospital stay or the crying on the bathroom floor just moments before. 
Some of the shiniest people have dark pasts, unseen trauma, and heavy burdens to carry. It is important to remember that, when you are going through a difficult struggle and you can’t see a way out. Hold on for the stars to come your way and keep your eyes looking up so you don’t miss them!
The day that our home closed, I drove to Beaver Creek, Colorado to serve at the Thrive retreat for global workers home on furlough. What a joy to be able to meet in person and see how God works to meet the needs of those serving Him! My husband is a saint for meeting the moving truck and dealing with the initial move in without me, before flying back to Colorado to drive our car down to Waco together. At that retreat, 20 volunteers and attendees tested positive for Covid but fortunately everyone got to build their immunity, without any reporting that they needed more than some time at home recovering. However, the whole event has caused Thrive to reconsider the upcoming retreats overseas, which changes my game plan for the next year. 
As I settle into Waco, I have already had the opportunity to get acquainted with amazing people doing local and overseas work and can’t wait to see what evolves out of these initial conversations. My inclination is to get excited and jump in wherever there is a need but I am feeling a sense that I need to wait for just the right fit, where I can use my gifts and time most effectively. Please pray with me, as more than ever, I want to use my time here on earth to God’s glory.
In closing, I will share the fun part of our new life in Texas! I get to see my precious girls all the time and I might never be cold again! Mike says he traded shoveling snow for skimming leaves out of our pool. We are currently drinking the Baylor Kool-Aid every chance we get…football, theater, taking walks on the campus. Last week we joined Antioch Church, where we have been attending online for 5 years. We still need to put a few more pictures on the walls but it is all coming along and we are excited that family and friends have already booked some weekends in our guest room during the upcoming months. 
We all have an inner compass that guides us through life. We refer to it as our gut, intuition, our energy, the Holy Spirit. That internal guide works to convict us, warn us, alert us and protect us. It can also work to confirm decisions, tell us who to trust and push us to do something good. But for some reason, many times when we are getting our strongest messages, we hesitate to listen because it may mean that we have to give up something we want or alter our path to a journey that appears more difficult to navigate and because of that, we ignore it.