Category: life calling

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Self Care: Not just a bubble bath

Y’all know that I don’t love it when popular culture runs wild with terminology used in therapy. So many terms being misused out there! Not everyone is bi-polar or narcissistic, for your information. Recently someone told me that she was recovering from a self care drunken night out with friends and I admit, I winced. People! You shouldn’t have to recover from self care!

Now before you go thinking that I am judgey and start rolling your eyes in my direction, let me clarify that if going out with the girls and throwing back a few is a good time for you, by all means go. But if you are calling this event self care, be sure that after participating in the event, you can honestly say you are a much better person for going and you are more ready to take on the world because of the time spent. A good time is a good time but it isn’t always self care.

Another misconception is that if a tired mommy can just get a bubble bath every once in awhile, she can check self care off her To Do list and be ready to take on whatever comes her way. While a long soak is a wonderful end to the day for some of us, that isn’t quite enough for most people. It might take the edge off but self care is meant to go a little deeper.

When women come to me for counseling because they feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life, the dynamics of relationships and the pitfalls of living in this world, neither one night out with some friends or a fancy hygiene ritual is likely to be the fix. The women who pay for ongoing counseling are coming because in their journey of life, they lost their sense of self along the way and they need some tools to recapture their empowered self.

Self care, in the therapeutic sense addresses more than just the needs at the surface. It addresses the calling of one’s intellectual, physical and spiritual self. Let’s break these down practically so that you can start thinking of your own ideas of how to feed these areas of your life.

MIND: We are learners by nature. We are happiest when we are thinking about, reading about and listening to subjects and ideas we are interested in. What are you doing to feed your mind and keep your thoughts positive?

BODY: Our bodies need sustenance, rest and rehabilitation. Take a look at how you are treating your body and ask yourself if you are getting the nutrition and exercise needed for your busy life. Are you taking time to go to the doctor, the gym, the nutritionist or the salon?

SOUL: It is far too easy to overlook the needs of our heart. What are rituals that feed your soul? Do you meditate or journal? Do you spend time in nature or take time to read the Bible? Is there a self-help book you have wanted to dive into?

This just scratches the surface of self care but I hope it gets you thinking. When we take good care of ourselves, we are empowered to better care for others. You will know that your self care is effective, not because you have to recover from it, but rather you will feel prepared and able to better serve others!

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Life Goals: Embrace YOUR happy

Awhile back I was sitting with a client who self-described as situationally depressed. After spending a fair amount of time processing the events and situations ongoing in her life that seemed to be causing this, I noticed that there was a pattern of comparison that needed a little sifting. A friend of hers had just bought a cabin in the mountains, a family member had just been on a cruise, another friend had recently gone back to work and my client felt stuck at home with her children. But after I probed a little, she actually didn’t want a second home in a cold climate, gets seasick when she is on a boat and left the corporate world intentionally so that she wouldn’t miss too many moments of her children’s lives. So the issue wasn’t that she was jealous of these other people in her life, but rather, she wasn’t sure if her life was satisfying as it was.

Before you can experience contentment or happiness, it is important that you know what that means to you. It is self-sabotaging to look at another person’s life, notice how yours is dissimilar and then assume that if you had what they have, you would be happy like they are. Unfortunately, each of us have things in our past or circumstances in our present, that cloud our lens and it can be a challenge to look past these things. But when we do, we are able to usher in contentment that makes life more satisfying.

Try this. Scroll through the photos on your phone and pick 5 pictures that represent happiness in your life. Take a minute to identify what it was in that moment that made you want to snap a picture. Was it the crash of the wave, the laughter of your child, or the sweetness of the dessert? What does happiness look like, sound like, feel like or taste like to you? When you can identify these things, you can embrace the wonderful things in your life and intentionally seek out experiences that add to your photo album of life.

Happiness is not something that just happens. To be happy, you have to decide that your are going to choose it. What activities and daily practices in your life lead you down the path to a happy life? Think MIND, BODY and SOUL. Are you nurturing each of these parts of your life in a way that brings you joy?

An activity that I often do with clients requires them to dig deep to figure out who they are by identify what makes them tick. When we apply practical activities and intentional mindsets to who they are, happiness and contentment rise to the surface. It is important to remember that parts of our mind, body and soul need to be fed in order to grow. You may want ask yourself if you are purposefully tending to your heart needs, expanding your mind capacity, stretching your physical body and surrounding yourself with people who encourage you.

Life is hard but if you think about it, none of the truly great people in the world got there because it was easy. Are you resolved to be happy? Take some time to figure out what welcoming in happiness in your life looks like. As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Ministry and Life Update: Fall 2021

Most people who follow my blog also follow me on Facebook, so you know that I have spent the last few months running around with my head cut off. I recently realized that I had not done a ministry update in quite some time so here it is! Fashionably late.

You would think that being in the mortgage business, we would be able to anticipate and avoid any drama around a move, but it turns out we got to experience all the things: house sold, fell out of escrow, sold again, tried to find small renovated house but ended up with big house needing lots of work, because the market was crazier in Texas than in Colorado, movers not showing up as planned and then overcharging us to fix their mistake, last minute hiccups with home inspection for new house…but PRAISE THE LORD, here I am sitting in my home office finally feeling a bit settled, if one can feel settled as our world spins like a whirling dervish.

The day that our home closed, I drove to Beaver Creek, Colorado to serve at the Thrive retreat for global workers home on furlough. What a joy to be able to meet in person and see how God works to meet the needs of those serving Him! My husband is a saint for meeting the moving truck and dealing with the initial move in without me, before flying back to Colorado to drive our car down to Waco together. At that retreat, 20 volunteers and attendees tested positive for Covid but fortunately everyone got to build their immunity, without any reporting that they needed more than some time at home recovering. However, the whole event has caused Thrive to reconsider the upcoming retreats overseas, which changes my game plan for the next year.

It would seem like I would be sitting around waiting for an opportunity to go overseas, but my work has been relocated for the time being, to the seat I am sitting in right now. Thanks to technology, I am able to continue counseling with women who need ongoing support. I continue to run my private practice online, using a specialized secure application, and I intentionally reserve spots in my schedule for women serving in ministry around the world.

I share this with you, my supporters, because I want you to know that your financial support is enabling me to continue this important work. I receive a small monthly stipend from the donations sent to my ministry through Paraclete Ministries, so that I can offer highly discounted counseling to women who are unable to afford ongoing treatment. I have become quite good at managing communication with various time zones and offer sessions at all times of the day and evening when necessary. Under my current stipend, I can offer a few women a weekly session each month but I hope to expand this while we wait for borders to open up. Click here if you would like to participate in making counseling available to women serving globally…and never hesitate to connect me to someone you know that may need this service. 

As I settle into Waco, I have already had the opportunity to get acquainted with amazing people doing local and overseas work and can’t wait to see what evolves out of these initial conversations. My inclination is to get excited and jump in wherever there is a need but I am feeling a sense that I need to wait for just the right fit, where I can use my gifts and time most effectively. Please pray with me, as more than ever, I want to use my time here on earth to God’s glory.

On a very personal note, I have had some interesting moments in the last few months as I continue with what will be lifelong cancer treatment. As is common with those battling chronic cancer, my current protocol has become less effective over time and while my tumor markers are still lower than they were even a year ago, we are starting to see my body resist my current treatment. We will be making some big decisions next month and I covet your prayers. I often truthfully joke that I not afraid of dying but I am afraid of suffering and currently my suffering is confined to only my treatment days. I honestly feel fantastic the rest of the time. So a change of treatment is a big decision.

In closing, I will share the fun part of our new life in Texas! I get to see my precious girls all the time and I might never be cold again! Mike says he traded shoveling snow for skimming leaves out of our pool. We are currently drinking the Baylor Kool-Aid every chance we get…football, theater, taking walks on the campus. Last week we joined Antioch Church, where we have been attending online for 5 years. We still need to put a few more pictures on the walls but it is all coming along and we are excited that family and friends have already booked some weekends in our guest room during the upcoming months.

Thank you, dear friends and supporters, for all you do. Y’all will never know how much I appreciate you! (Working on my Texas speak!)

With love,

Sonia

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Ministry Update: 2020 was busy!

I lit a candle for my health in this church in Croatia…not my normal tradition but it will always be special to me now in light of this past year.

2020 sure did bring some surprises to my ministry but thankfully, the Lord provided many opportunities for great connections!

I started 2020 working a Thrive retreat in Croatia, just when Covid was ramping up in nearby Italy. It was a last minute trip for me as I had to raise those funds in a very short window after serving in Estonia the previous Fall. Obviously, I had no idea at that time, what crazy times were on the horizon. It felt like as soon as the team landed back in the United States, everything started to shut down. Thrive retreats scheduled for later in the year were all cancelled.

Fortunately, my role as lead mentor for Thrive’s Alongside ministry did not stop because of The Rona. We continue to meet the needs of women serving overseas via online applications like Zoom and FaceTime. Thrive launched an online retreat called Gather and our numbers of mentor and mentee connections continue to rise. I am currently managing a team of 25 mentors who meet with 1-3 women apiece. We are excited about this growth and anticipate even more connections after another Gather event in February 2021. Of course, our prayer is that in-person retreats will resume as well in this next year. I plan to jump into action as soon as it is possible to do so.

In addition to working with Thrive, I continue to offer discounted and free counseling to many women I have met over the years in my travels. These sessions are made possible through donations from my supporters, who I am grateful to, for their ongoing support during this tumultuous year!

Many of you have been so supportive as I continue to battle cancer on a daily basis. I SO appreciate your kind notes and encouraging comments on social media. What a blessing to feel the love when I am at those icky doctors appointments! You may be wondering how this changes my work life. Honestly, it doesn’t. While the chemotherapy and the infusions can be rough, I have found that I do better if I keep a busy schedule. Focusing on my clients, who I meet with via Telehealth, is invigorating and I do not plan to end my time in private practice anytime soon. In fact, Telehealth has made it possible for me to travel to Phoenix monthly for treatment and not miss a beat with my clients. And PRAISE THE LORD…my new protocol continues to bring positive results. I have a great team of doctors who are all working to get me the treatment I need, with the least possible side effects. Some days are rough but most days I live life fully.

For 2021, I am again hoping to raise $18,000 to cover all my ministry expenses. I ask that you consider my ministry as you are making decisions about your year end giving and your philanthropy for the coming year. I know there are many worthwhile causes out there so I am grateful to those of you who continually put your trust in my work. You can donate here…Thank you for your sacrificial giving!

A strange blessing for me this past year is that my almost 7 year battle with cancer prepared me for life in a pandemic. I was wearing masks and over sanitizing long before the whole world shut down. I remember many plane flights in my past where folks would obviously avoid sitting next to me in my mask that I had to wear. Now I am one in the crowd and no one stares at me! I wasn’t afraid in the old days and I am not afraid now. Isn’t it comforting to know that our days are numbered by the Lord and the best place to be is in His will?

Blessings to all of you. My prayer for you as we enter 2021 is that God’s plan for your life will be clear to you in 2021!

With love,

Sonia

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2020: Best year ever?

Wow, it has been a long year. When I think back to my last overseas mission trip last February, it seems like it was 5 years ago! The initial Italy outbreak was occurring when I was in nearby Croatia, so our volunteer team was on high alert, being so close to the devastation. We thought it was a short term current event. Who knew that we were on the cusp of our whole lives being shut down! So much has happened, and not happened, since then.

My girls were on a senior year “Spring break hurrah”, with friends, when they got the news that their university was closing down for an extra week. It would be the last time they saw most of their friends, and they never did get to walk across a stage after 4 years of exemplary work. As one of my daughter’s shared, “I was living my best life and then it was gone in an instant!”

When I talk to clients, I hear stories of incredible loss: Loss of jobs, friends, freedom, community, mental health….and more. Many people have experienced lack of closure with those they used to go to school with or folks they worked with, loved ones who have died during this time, even people who have moved away.

On top of Covid, we in the United States have had political tension that has come between even the closest of family and friends. We are divided into camps where there isn’t a lot of common ground, since many of the polarizing issues rest in people’s core value systems. Even folks who value tolerance are struggling with how to live that in our current climate.

As a counselor, my job has always been to assist people with overcoming trauma and altering victim status to empowerment status, resulting in a life well-lived. Are you able to do this with 2020? I encourage you to try…

Here is what this processing might look like. I use my own life as an example.

I am grateful that even though I was forced to close down the office space that I LOVED, I am able to see clients via Telehealth. Because of this transition, I am able to meet with clients when I travel to Phoenix for cancer treatment! I don’t have to stop working because of my diagnosis, which is an enormous blessing because I love my work and I have to work in these economic times!

I am grateful that my daughter, who had planned to take a gap year to earn money to attend grad school, could not find anyone hiring during the shutdown, so she applied to grad school early and ended up with a full ride scholarship. She would never thought that possible. Covid forced her into pursuing her dream!

I am grateful that my online church encouraged me to join a virtual small group, because they were proactive in creating community during the shutdown. My church is in Texas, so I never dreamed that I would connect, as I have, with anyone in the congregation! Now we have dear friends in town when we visit our girls! I also have numerous friends who I talk to more often because we have scheduled weekly, bi-weekly or monthly conversations using Zoom or Face Time.

I am also grateful that through this last year, I have seen people’s colors…some of those colors darker and some brighter than others. I have been able to see people’s love and hate, and their thoughtfulness and lack thereof. I have been disappointed in some behaviors but motivated by others, as we all respond to the crisis at hand. I have learned who are my people and who are not. As painful as that can be sometimes, it is a gift.

I could go on…but you get the process. Romans 8:28 tells us that, “In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. The promise does not say that life will be easy but rather, we can turn hard times into purposeful living. What hardship of 2020 has lead to an unexpected blessing? Are you able to resist the urge to see this as a terrible, no good year, but rather see it as a time of refinement of who you are going forward?

World-changers are people who take their trauma and do something good with it. They use their character building tough days, as motivation for making their family, their community, and even the earth a better place. Google “People who overcame adversity to do big things” and you will see lists and lists of people who didn’t stop because they endured a hardship. We all have 2020 as a springboard into a great 2021. Do you accept the challenge?

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Counseling: Asking for a Friend

As many of you know, I am the Lead Mentor for a ministry called Alongside, designed to help women who are serving overseas, who might have the need for emotional support. The ministry is run through Thrive Ministries who strives to empower women in ministry around the world. My team of 25 mentors give a few hours a month to encouraging. listening and praying for women who have given their lives to be world changers. Our mentees are running orphanages, teaching English, rescuing women from sex trafficking, doing community development…they are strong but they are often somewhat alone and in need of support. My mentor team is an amazing group of selfless women who have incredible life experience but only a few of them are trained counselors, so we have some guidelines in place to put boundaries around the service we offer. Recently I was asked to put together a list of reasons to suggest professional counseling to women who might need more than we can offer in a mentorship capacity. It reminded me how often I have been asked in private practice how people can identify if a family member or friend might benefit from counseling. I thought it might be beneficial to adapt the guidelines we use at Alongside for my clients….

Here are some reasons that your friend might need counseling:

Your friend is having difficulty regulating her emotions. Of course you may have emotional moments with your friend where there are tears. However, if she expresses that she is crying all the time, struggling to keep her anger under control or fluctuating between extreme emotions, she may need more than an accountability partner.


Your friend isn’t performing effectively in her roles at home or work. Deeper mental issues can effect us cognitively and we can struggle to focus and engage effectively with people as a result. Sometimes it is a fine line between an overwhelmed mommy and a person who has ceased to function in a healthful way. If you sense that your friend is struggling, please advise her to seek counseling.


Your friend complains of not being able to sleep, eat or perform other normal human functions. Oftentimes, clinical depression and/or anxiety can lead to physical issues. Unplanned weight gain or weight loss, chronic insomnia or other symptoms such as headache, stomach pain, or even back pain, can be an indicator of a deep emotional need. If these symptoms are worsening for your friend despite your time together, she may need more attention than you can give in a friendship role.


Your friend reports an ongoing struggle with numerous relationships or an inability to build and maintain relationships. Many women have relationship struggles that they need to process and this is normal. However, if you start to get the feeling that your friend has no healthy relationships in her life, she might need to explore this at a deeper level.


Your friend has unresolved trauma. If your friend shares about past trauma, and you suspect that this trauma is part of the reason she is struggling, it is appropriate to ask her if she has ever gone through counseling for that trauma. Trauma comes in many forms. She may have experienced sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, a profound loss, or may have childhood trauma that has never been resolved.


Your friend struggles to find joy in activities that normally provide joy. When you are encouraging your friend in the area of self care and she can’t seem to find anything that brings her joy, she may be experiencing clinical depression. Is she isolating herself or focusing only on the negative? Encourage your friend to seek professional help.


Your friend has deep or unresolved grief. Women often experience grief because of job loss, relationship conflict, cultural challenges, divorce or death of a loved one. She may benefit from time with a therapist.
Your friend is using substances or obsessive activities to cope. If you suspect that your friend is struggling with addiction, it is important to suggest counseling.


Your friend suggests that they may self harm. Self harm in any form can be very dangerous. Please encourage your friend to seek professional services if you are concerned that she is a danger to themselves or others.
Your friend seems to need more than you feel capable of giving. If you start to feel overwhelmed by this relationship, the answer may simply be that the needs of your friend are too great for a reciprocal relationship.

As always, let me know if I can help!
With love,

Sonia