Category: life coaching

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Ministry Update: June 2022!!!



For those of you who faithfully pray and give financially to my ministry, I am forever grateful. This year has been full of health challenges that have kept me from traveling as much but I have been busy from my home office, meeting with clients around the world. Women and couples are connected with me through referrals, through my connection with Paraclete Ministries and through my connection with Thrive Ministries. They receive discounted services because of your generosity. I am letting you in on the countries reached this year and a few clients offered to share their sentiments so that I don’t have to toot my own horn….

Countries served in 2022:
Mexico
Malaysia
Phillippines
Lesotho
South Africa
Papua New Guinea
Nepal
Denver Seminary
Stateside (furloughed or serving in pastoral roles here in the states)

Here are a few of those testimonies I promised:

First off, thank you to those that donate to Sonia’s ministry so that she can counsel me. Thank you isn’t enough but I wanted to start off by saying thank you. As missionaries, you are put on a pedestal of “always having it together” when in reality, you are experiencing some of the hardest things you have ever had to experience. The pressure is suffocating and daunting…Sonia has been a breath of fresh air for this tired, weary and sometimes confused missionary. She met me where I was and gave me confidence and encouragement to talk thru how I was feeling. Please know that by helping subsidize so that Sonia can help missionaries like me, YOU are advancing the kingdom. My family may be on the front lines but you are all behind us, cheering us, supporting us, and encouraging us thru Sonia. She’s phenomenal in the way she counsels! I’m forever grateful for the time I’ve had with her “for such a time as this”…

Missionary, Papua New Guinea


I know what it is to be a missionary with support (financial, emotional, spiritual), and to be a missionary without it. When I met Sonia, it felt like I reunited with an old friend. In that season, I struggled to trust the way I heard God’s voice and doubted His interest in me, but Sonia would say a phrase at the end of every session together: “You are on the right track.” I always thought, “I wouldn’t need you if I were on the right track!” What a lie. 

Sonia is a gift from God to me to accompany me on the track and just simply keep me going forward. She has taught me to love truth and to be kind to myself. Because of Sonia, I felt God’s nearness and tender care for my heart, soul, and mind on the mission field. Thank you for supporting her and allowing her to continue being a bright light that illuminates even the darkest valley.

Missionary, Mexico



Thank you so much for all the time you have spent counseling with me! It has been such a huge blessing. I feel like I am going back to the field in a better place, with more awareness and with tools to help me be more of the person that God intended me to be. Thank you for your encouragement to take the hard steps, for your explanations of the crazy situations and for opening my mind to new ways of thinking about things. Your ministry is such a blessing! Thank you for filling a huge need that exist in the missionary world.

Missionary, Nepal

As I journey on as a global worker, missionary who advocates for spiritual, physical and mental health, the road is never clear of how the Lord plans to use me. Your partnership in my work is so important.

On a personal level, Mike and I are adjusting to living in our new land of Waco, Texas, which is very different than the states of California, Utah and Colorado, where we have lived before. We are learning a new culture and language and making new friends at a stage of life where that isn’t the easiest. Moving our business and our home has had its many challenges but I continue to marvel at how God uses my personal mountains to equip me in my ministry. As I interact with women who willingly face the challenge of relocation to the ends of the earth to spread the love of God as they serve as nurses, work with sex trafficked, fly airplanes into places no one else will go, to serve and minister to the unseen and the forsaken….all for the Glory of our Lord…I am empowered to soldier on! I am blessed to be a part of the Great Commission in the way that God has equipped me.

What is your part in the Great Commission? Are you equipped to PRAY? To GIVE? To GO? Or all three? Would you like to know how to best connect with organizations where you can be a part of something bigger than yourself?

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia Nelson

To give to the Nelson Ministry at Paraclete Ministries click here.

 

 

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Self Care: Not just a bubble bath

Y’all know that I don’t love it when popular culture runs wild with terminology used in therapy. So many terms being misused out there! Not everyone is bi-polar or narcissistic, for your information. Recently someone told me that she was recovering from a self care drunken night out with friends and I admit, I winced. People! You shouldn’t have to recover from self care!

Now before you go thinking that I am judgey and start rolling your eyes in my direction, let me clarify that if going out with the girls and throwing back a few is a good time for you, by all means go. But if you are calling this event self care, be sure that after participating in the event, you can honestly say you are a much better person for going and you are more ready to take on the world because of the time spent. A good time is a good time but it isn’t always self care.

Another misconception is that if a tired mommy can just get a bubble bath every once in awhile, she can check self care off her To Do list and be ready to take on whatever comes her way. While a long soak is a wonderful end to the day for some of us, that isn’t quite enough for most people. It might take the edge off but self care is meant to go a little deeper.

When women come to me for counseling because they feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life, the dynamics of relationships and the pitfalls of living in this world, neither one night out with some friends or a fancy hygiene ritual is likely to be the fix. The women who pay for ongoing counseling are coming because in their journey of life, they lost their sense of self along the way and they need some tools to recapture their empowered self.

Self care, in the therapeutic sense addresses more than just the needs at the surface. It addresses the calling of one’s intellectual, physical and spiritual self. Let’s break these down practically so that you can start thinking of your own ideas of how to feed these areas of your life.

MIND: We are learners by nature. We are happiest when we are thinking about, reading about and listening to subjects and ideas we are interested in. What are you doing to feed your mind and keep your thoughts positive?

BODY: Our bodies need sustenance, rest and rehabilitation. Take a look at how you are treating your body and ask yourself if you are getting the nutrition and exercise needed for your busy life. Are you taking time to go to the doctor, the gym, the nutritionist or the salon?

SOUL: It is far too easy to overlook the needs of our heart. What are rituals that feed your soul? Do you meditate or journal? Do you spend time in nature or take time to read the Bible? Is there a self-help book you have wanted to dive into?

This just scratches the surface of self care but I hope it gets you thinking. When we take good care of ourselves, we are empowered to better care for others. You will know that your self care is effective, not because you have to recover from it, but rather you will feel prepared and able to better serve others!

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Life Goals: Embrace YOUR happy

Awhile back I was sitting with a client who self-described as situationally depressed. After spending a fair amount of time processing the events and situations ongoing in her life that seemed to be causing this, I noticed that there was a pattern of comparison that needed a little sifting. A friend of hers had just bought a cabin in the mountains, a family member had just been on a cruise, another friend had recently gone back to work and my client felt stuck at home with her children. But after I probed a little, she actually didn’t want a second home in a cold climate, gets seasick when she is on a boat and left the corporate world intentionally so that she wouldn’t miss too many moments of her children’s lives. So the issue wasn’t that she was jealous of these other people in her life, but rather, she wasn’t sure if her life was satisfying as it was.

Before you can experience contentment or happiness, it is important that you know what that means to you. It is self-sabotaging to look at another person’s life, notice how yours is dissimilar and then assume that if you had what they have, you would be happy like they are. Unfortunately, each of us have things in our past or circumstances in our present, that cloud our lens and it can be a challenge to look past these things. But when we do, we are able to usher in contentment that makes life more satisfying.

Try this. Scroll through the photos on your phone and pick 5 pictures that represent happiness in your life. Take a minute to identify what it was in that moment that made you want to snap a picture. Was it the crash of the wave, the laughter of your child, or the sweetness of the dessert? What does happiness look like, sound like, feel like or taste like to you? When you can identify these things, you can embrace the wonderful things in your life and intentionally seek out experiences that add to your photo album of life.

Happiness is not something that just happens. To be happy, you have to decide that your are going to choose it. What activities and daily practices in your life lead you down the path to a happy life? Think MIND, BODY and SOUL. Are you nurturing each of these parts of your life in a way that brings you joy?

An activity that I often do with clients requires them to dig deep to figure out who they are by identify what makes them tick. When we apply practical activities and intentional mindsets to who they are, happiness and contentment rise to the surface. It is important to remember that parts of our mind, body and soul need to be fed in order to grow. You may want ask yourself if you are purposefully tending to your heart needs, expanding your mind capacity, stretching your physical body and surrounding yourself with people who encourage you.

Life is hard but if you think about it, none of the truly great people in the world got there because it was easy. Are you resolved to be happy? Take some time to figure out what welcoming in happiness in your life looks like. As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Baggage: Leave some behind

I travel a lot. Even in the pandemic, I am a Southwest Airlines A-lister. I travel for work, for health and for fun. As a result, I may buy more luggage than the average person. I research brands. I have had soft sided and hard sided. Sometimes I know right away that I bought a lemon, when there is an early scratch or tear. Sometimes I think I have finally found a winner only to have it broken as it emerges onto the roundabout. Oh so frustrating.

Our travel baggage and our emotional baggage share some characteristics. We can invest in ourselves as we do our suitcases and feel confident in our sturdiness, only to find that sometimes circumstances outside our control can trigger, tear and break off parts of us that put us in need of repair.

As we move forward in the journey of life, it is important to know when to ditch the baggage. When we hang on too tight to our hurts from the past, we actually put ourselves at risk of more hurt. Like the time I thought my suitcase had one more trip left in it and it fell apart on vacation so I had to spend precious hours supposed to be spent on relaxation, searching for a new bag for my trip home.

Have you had your heart broken by people or circumstances and no matter how hard you try, the damage done seems to impact your current life situation? Is it time to ditch the old hurts and trauma and start living with renewed thinking? It might be time to reframe some of the messages that can play in your head when past experiences insist on negatively impacting your current job or relationship.

Just today, I was sharing with a client how a past work situation left me very wounded when I felt completely betrayed by a woman I had trusted with my commitment, time and money. When I was finally able to reframe the situation, to highlight that I emerged from that experience with a number of new friends, better boundaries and my current mission agency that treats me very well, I felt the release of the trauma. That baggage doesn’t have to impact me negatively anymore if I don’t allow it to. I refuse to be a person who doesn’t trust or can’t give of myself fully because of past wounding.

What situation in your life needs a little reframing? When we reframe, we allow ourselves to keep the memories in the what-doesn’t-kill-us-makes-us-stronger journal of our life. This helps us to journey on with confidence, wisdom and stronger boundaries. It also helps us to feel accomplishment, instead of defeat, when we look at those stamps in our passport of life and realize how we often grow the most through trials.

Maybe it is time for you to evaluate some of your past hurts and kick some of the lasting ickiness to the curb to focus on the strength you have as a result. As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Processing: Is it never ending?

I find it kind of funny when counselor terms start to be used in pop culture. Of course, the definition changes as people throw around terms like bi-polar, narcissist, OCD…and unfortunately sometimes people who know a little bit about these diagnosis don’t always get it all the way right…but it is still a step in the right direction of the general public realizing that sometimes people have a reason behind their confusing actions. A term that I am hearing more and more people use is PROCESSING. In a general sense, when used in a social context, it often means that you aren’t ready to respond to a comment or situation because you are still sorting it all out and haven’t reached a conclusion. It is also a good way to avoid a conversation that has the chance of getting heated when you don’t have the energy for that. For example, “I am processing all the changes that are going on in the world right now.” This open-ended processing could go on forever and that isn’t really how processing is used when you are sitting on the therapy couch.

Processing, in a counselor setting, is a whole bunch more than that. Healthy processing leads to improved emotional health and hopefully some personal empowerment. I thought it might be helpful to share some things I look for when I am processing with my clients.

As you may have guessed, a prospective client never calls me to tell me how great everything in their life is going. There is always a life situation that seems overwhelming, confusing, traumatizing or paralyzing. They often have thoughts in their head, feelings in their heart, pain in their body and maybe even some money invested in a lawyer…and together we need to find a way to get all of those things to have less of a negative effect on their daily walk. I like to process following a multi-step journey: thinking, feeling, articulating, advocating and finally, empowerment/life change.

THINKING: Each of us has a lifetime of family life, education, peer groups, experiences, jobs, church life, and sometimes some trauma that leads us to our opinions of how to view our current situation. As we face a new energy-draining situation, our mind calls on past knowledge and experience to give us an opinion of how to go forward. Sometimes this opinion is spot on and other times, it is informed by something traumatic (triggers), leading us to some foggy thinking rather than clear and rational thought. Talking with a therapist about your history lets them know what life experiences in your past are informing how you respond to the situation in front of you.

FEELING: When faced with a tough moment in life, our emotions can sometimes get the best of us. In those moments of feeling abandoned, hurt, betrayed, or scorned, our response might look like anger instead of the real emotion. Sometimes there is a tendency to shut down, cry or have an anxiety attack instead of expressing the actual emotions being experienced. Being able to properly identity what emotion you are experiencing helps you to respond to a situation properly rather than with an emotion-response that fuels the disfunction in front of you.

ARTICULATING: Most people have a tendency to either bottle up emotions or let them run wild. This leads to arguments and interactions that become shut down or turns the conversation from an ant to a mole hill. Articulating at the right time, with carefully chosen words that accurately express how you feel and what you hope to see happen, leads to healthy interactions with people you love or at least have to live or work with on a regular basis. Having a safe space to write your script is important when navigating tough situations.

ADVOCATING: Once we have processed a situation or dynamic that required some unpacking, it is important to use that new understanding to advocate for yourself and others in a healthy manner. When you have processed well, you should have an understanding of why you were affected a particular way, an ability to express how you feel about the situation and words to describe how you would like to go forward with this new knowledge and clarity. You should know better how to explain yourself and what needs are being met or need attention.

LIFE CHANGE: Often at the summation of counseling, I will ask a client, “How will you know that the issue we have been processing is leading to life change?” It is important to have a goal for your processing that involves empowerment and improved relationships. People who utilize processing skills well, have better communication and conflict outcomes that indicate good boundaries, met goals and resolved conflict.

It is always a good self check to ask yourself if all your processing is leading to more drama or to a feeling of confidence with forward life movement. If there is a situation in your life that needs some working through, find a quiet space, a trusted friend or….let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Discernment: Use it or lose it

If I had a dollar for every time a client said to me…

“I knew that I shouldn’t have (married that guy, trusted that person, stayed in that job, gone to that party, taken that loan, bought that car, tried that drug….) but I ignored the feeling”…

Well, let’s just say I would have a few dollars.

We all have an inner compass that guides us through life. We refer to it as our gut, intuition, our energy, the Holy Spirit. That internal guide works to convict us, warn us, alert us and protect us. It can also work to confirm decisions, tell us who to trust and push us to do something good. But for some reason, many times when we are getting our strongest messages, we hesitate to listen because it may mean that we have to give up something we want or alter our path to a journey that appears more difficult to navigate and because of that, we ignore it.

Unfortunately, when we fail to trust our gut, listen to our heart, and use our discernment, it all gets a little foggy. That muscle doesn’t increase in strength, it gets weak and confused and maybe even stops working at all, leading to more bad decisions, disappointment and heartbreak.

Ohhhh….if I could back up my own life and walk away earlier from that bad business partner, that terrible church, that boss….right? Can you think of times that you allowed yourself to get beat up because you didn’t listen to that inner voice?

If you feel like you need to strengthen that muscle again, take some steps to build it up by pushing the pause button when it starts to work for you. Here are some questions to ask yourself when you are wondering if you should listen to the warning bell ringing in your head, or pay attention to the red flag waving at you:

Do I have to make this decision RIGHT NOW or can I take some time to get good counsel and think it through?

Am I making this decision just to please other people?

Does this decision benefit me as much in the future as it does in the present?

Is this situation similar to anything in my past? If so, can I use the wisdom gleaned from that situation to inform this one?

Is there anything about my situation that appears too good to be true? Should I examine this a bit more?

Will other people get hurt by this decision? Do I need to consider that before I commit to it?


Discernment is a gift. You may not always like what it is telling you to do. Honestly, that most likely is the time to really listen. Learning to trust the spirit in you is a process that leads to empowerment. Give it a try.

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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