We are in the throws of the ugliest political season I have ever seen. I have given up trying to enter into discussion about which disgusting person is better for our nation. My world is small anyway. I work with women, one on one, in a room, whether in the United States or around the world. I work to promote their dreams, their worth and their purpose. My hope, my deep longing, is that while our politicians battle it out, our nation begins to realize that feminism is no longer just about getting to vote, being paid more, or promoting sexual freedom. Feminism, if we are able to embrace the bigness of the concept, involves more than being president of a company or the nation, or getting free birth control. Feminism, the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities, goes way beyond this very limited public discussion.
When I began to see clients about 6 years ago, I was shocked at how the conversation with many of the women I saw, turned to emotional and sexual exploitation in their past. The number of women that have been harassed, molested, raped or passed over for not putting out, is mind blowing. The number of women scorned for their unplanned pregnancy, their choice to birth a child or their unfortunate decision to abort, is staggering. And don’t get me started on how many women endure verbal abuse that could show up on an x-ray machine of their heart. I have been so impacted by how even one abusive incident can wreak havoc on a life. Abuse of women can be overt but it can also be very subtle. It can be found in the unspoken expectations, the lack of safety for female voices and the encouragement of behaviors that are not in the best interest of women overall.
The anger and the hurt that brews as a result of this abuse, within many of the women I work with, manifests itself in attachment issues, unconscious self harm and a number of other symptomatic relational attributes. I work with women who, in their later years, are finally beginning to realize the impact of negative experiences in their youth and are just now learning to fight against the cycle that has taken over in their life. I also work with young women who are trying to overcome early on, so that their life is not controlled by negative experiences or abusive people. I love what I do but if I am honest, over these years of serving women, I have been continually saddened by the lack of support within family structures, community groups, churches and government agencies. I have been even more troubled, at the many times I heard the part other women played in the exploitation.
To be a real feminist, one must be an advocate for other women. To be a real feminist, one must want the other woman to rise beyond her circumstances. Feminists do not laugh at, endorse, or pay to see the subjugation or exploitation of another woman. And feminists do not cover for, laugh along with or support men who treat women and girls as sexual objects, men who molest the minds or bodies of children or men who rape their sisters.
Feminism, people, is not about women becoming men. It is not about women doing whatever it takes to achieve societal success in the outdated terms of the 1950’s. Feminism is about promoting the worth, the voice and the interests of women. It is about developing girls into women who can use their intelligence, their talents and even their beauty to promote goodness, wholeness and peace in this broken world. It is about supporting women in a way that makes them better people, not just more successful in the political, entertainment or business arena.
Please do not hear me wrong. I am not saying that those arenas are not important. But as a feminist myself, who supports women who have achieved some of that success, if that success is achieved with old social norms, it is not success. Life worth, legacy and fulfillment are not achieved when the success comes at the sacrifice of other people’s life worth. I have yet to sit across from a woman who is coming for therapy, because making sexual choices that did not protect her heart, body and soul, or living a life that was solely focused on her own promotion, was working well for her.
I recently returned from my second trip to Israel. For a Christian woman, Israel is a place that reminds me of how Christ was revolutionary in his attention to women. Jesus purposefully interacted redemptively with women who had experienced disgrace. He called out the indecency of the system in place at the time, while drawing women to a higher calling. Christ had women actively participate in ministry, interacted with women intellectually as well as spiritually, and offered holistic restoration. He never encouraged them to be just like the men He came to confront and challenge.
I have been fortunate in my own life to have honorable men who have loved, supported and yes, even protected me. I have also had kick-butt women who are strong, confident and beautiful, guide and direct me on a path, encouraging and pushing me to be the same. I am fortunate to know and work with women who advocate for and empower other women. I stand hand in hand with many women who want to challenge their sisters to be God-fearing, intelligent, and strong. Still, I have encountered many people, in my journey, who have made staying on that path difficult. There are many who want to confuse the issue and make it all about money, sex and power. In this, they may have lost sight of the abused and the down-trodden. They have lost sight of where humans find real peace. Because of my calling to serve women and my commitment to the daughters I have been gifted, I want to be a feminist who is part of a movement bigger than what our mainstream media proposes.
Ladies, it is your life.
Sonia