One of the most fulfilling parts of my job is the moment that I am sitting with a client and they realize that the ‘crisis’ they came in with, sometimes months before is gone, being handled or in a state that is manageable. There is a
feeling of aaawwwww when our conversations change from how-to-get-through-each-day and move into life coaching. Life coaching is different than crisis counseling. It is a next steps process that is intended to help a client reach long-term life goals and lead a fulfilling existence, beyond a crisis management life mode.
Many of us want to leave a legacy. We want to live beyond our physical bodies on earth through the impact we made. For you, this could be a financial legacy or a relational legacy. It could be something like a garden or a dream home you design and build. It might be a published work. Whatever it is, the process of achieving that goal has to actually start if the dream is going to be realized!
Let’s get this show on the road!
Here are just a few questions that I like to dig into with my clients going in this direction:
1. What is it that empowers you each day? Is it faith, personal drive, career goals, family? What and who are your “why” for all that you do?
If we take some time to understand what motivates us and why, we often uncover goals that conflict with one another and goals that line up well with on another. This helps with setting reasonable timelines and milestone markers. It is important to know why you are doing life!
2. What are you doing when you feel the MOST “you”? How often is this happening?
We are lots of things to many people but there are moments in life when something deep inside our soul moves and lets us know we are where we are supposed to be. It took me well into my forties to discover this for myself, but now that I know, I seek out opportunities where I can thrive!
3. When you think of leaving a legacy, where would you like to see that happen? Do you want to leave a large inheritance for your children, rich relationships with friends and family, service to others, political change? (There are no right or wrong answers!)
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have it all! However, setting priorities keeps us focused so that we don’t achieve less important goals in place of our ultimate goals!
4. What does the confident version of yourself dream about?
If you take a realistic inventory of your skills and potential and attach a dream to them, what does that look like?
5. What uncomfortable step needs to happen in order for the legacy to be put in motion? Is it a job change, a move, a change in relationship?
Is there an obvious first step that you need to take? That may need to be your #1 goal in the short run if you are ever going to get started on building the life you want!
6. Who can you rely on as a support system in your life journey?
It is difficult to achieve life goals when you don’t have community. I operate best with a small, very loyal community. Others need a personal cheerleading squad. Know who and what you need to stay encouraged and then take steps to get that support system in place.
7. What is keeping you from starting now?
I always said I would do missions work when my kids were grown. Then a woman I know who had babies at home went to Africa for a few weeks and her family survived! I have been doing missions ever since. What literal or imagined obstacles are holding you back from your dreams?
Here is what I know from the counseling I do and life I have lived. There will always be another crisis. They usually come out of nowhere and threaten to strip our lives of all happiness and meaning. That is why it is important to know what the long term goals are…what is propelling you to live each day fully and with intent? I hope to have a few decades to explore, to dream and leave a legacy!
Join me! I would love to help.
Love,
Sonia
I have a clear memory of going with my parents to The Broadway, a local department store in my hometown, back in the 70’s, to buy the yellow, hard-sided, 5 piece set that my family took to Venezuela, the first time the Gusiff family went together for an almost month-long stay. So I dragged my husband, Mike, to Macy’s, where there is a decent sized luggage department, to help me make an adult-like purchase. I did online research and considered size, shape, and wheel quality in my purchase. I read a number of customer reviews. I applied for a Macy’s credit card and I made the purchase.
Nobody likes rejection. Whether the rejection comes overtly or subtly, the pain that comes with being told or shown that you are not valued can hit hard. I am often sitting with clients as they sift through the dynamics of a relationship-gone-bad and when we uncover that their love is unrequited and they are not valued in the relationship being discussed, it is pain-fulllllll. And that is when boundaries of the heart must be set.
that person, you can release them, guilt-free, and not be a puppet to their manipulation any longer!
I know that it is more than half way through the first month of the year. I also know that the holiday season can really take it out of us, making it hard to start the new year going to the gym and changing our diets to meet the demands of our repeat New Year Resolutions. I want to encourage you, even if it is a late start, to set some goals for 2018. I do this with my clients, not to impose more stress into their life, but to remind them that personal change can only happen if we make alterations to our unhealthy patterns.
Additionally, think about what you are putting in your body as you head into 2018. Taking nutritional supplements, eating real food and cutting back on sugar are good ways to fight depression! Getting at least 15 minutes of direct sunlight everyday is also a good way to keep the mood positive, which can be difficult for some. For those that live in places that don’t get sun, add some Vitamin D or some Sam E to your regimen so that you stave off dark thoughts. 
Recently, I returned from a trip to Africa, feeling
I recently served in Mozambique, a country who sits around #7 for poorest nation status. Of the 25 poorest countries in the world, only a handful are not in Africa so Mozambique is a nation surrounded by other poor nations, with no real hope of big change in the near future. Mozambique continues to struggle after a recent bout with communism and while there is progress, it is very slow. I left for this last trip on October 30th and returned on November 15th to the splendor that accompanies the holiday season in the United States. The contrast between the poverty that I viewed looking out of the hotel where we stayed, and Christmas lights lining the roads in my community remind me how fortunate I am. Even in the toughest of financial struggles, I have always had food and shelter. I have never had to watch my children go hungry. And without fail, someone decorates my community each year with a lovely display of light at Christmas time.
Luke 12:48 reminds us that to whom much is given, much is required. So today I have to ask, “What does acting grateful look like after we have cleared the Thanksgiving meal dishes?” What skills, passions, and gifts do I have to offer and where else can I make a difference in the life of another? How do I actively show that I am grateful for it all?
Another important step in understanding the course of the relationship struggle you are in is getting a full understanding if your commitment to change and restoration is being matched by the person with whom you are in conflict. My heart breaks for the spouse who has set up an appointment for counseling, in an effort to heal the relationship, only to hear their significant other refuses to accept their efforts for change. It takes two people to have a relational conflict and it takes two people to heal a relational conflict. Even in situations where there has been an overt infraction, such as an affair, there has to be a commitment from both people to make efforts to meet the needs of the other person. Failure to get this buy-in usually means the healing will not occur.