Every once in a while, my daughter Emilee drops a pearl of wisdom that leaves us giggling for days. Today she said, “ Sometimes people are like that cookie that you think is chocolate chip and it turns out to be raisin.” Isn’t that the truth? So often in life, we enter relationships and circumstances believing that an experience similar to eating a chocolate chip cookie, fresh out of the oven, is waiting for us, only to be disappointed in the counterfeit.
For those of you who like the raisin cookie or somehow think it is the healthier option, let’s be honest. The raisin cookie has just as much sugar, just as many calories and no chocolate. Choose to eat it if you want, but don’t think for a minute that you have made the wiser choice. A raisin cookie is okay but it is not as good as the chocolate chip. Period.
I will assert however that not all is lost when we grab the cookie and then realize that it is not what we had been craving. Experiences, even the somewhat negative ones, can provide us with information very necessary for making wise choices. The only way for some of us to learn how to identify the wolf in sheep’s clothing is to go through a little heartbreak. Sometimes the best way to fully understand what we don’t like in relationships, jobs, or even extra-curricular hobbies comes from living through a situation where we are negatively impacted. It can be difficult in the moment, but life lessons are rarely pleasant. Furthermore, there is no shame is tasting the raisin cookie and then putting it down to go in search of a cookie with the chips.
The mistake that many of us make, which can lead to couch time with a therapist is when we finish the raisin cookie, feel dissatisfied, but then reach for a second. Before we know it, we think we like the less-than-yummy cookie, talk ourselves into thinking it is “good enough”, eventually concluding that we can never do better. One day, we wake up and we are sick of the cookies we never wanted in the first place. We may even blame the cookie for our inability to stop eating. Quite simply, it is better to lay the cookie down before walking down the aisle, signing the contract or giving your blood, sweat and tears to a relationship that is not going to be reciprocated.
Personal boundaries have to be adjusted as we navigate life and encounter people and situations that promise to be something important in our lives but then as time passes, alter to a point that we are being hurt far more than necessary. It is important to remember that we have choice in who we give influence to, who we give our time to and what situations we need to run away from. We also need to educate ourselves on how to protect our emotional health when we are stuck with people, for whatever reason, who habitually stomp on our hearts. Our personal mental health and physical safety are primarily an individual responsibility and blaming others when we allow them to steal our worthiness is not healthy.
If you are eating too many raisin cookies, PUT THE COOKIE DOWN!
Sonia
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720.449.2235
@soniaknelson