Tag: career growth

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Fear: Informant or Guiding Light

My clients all know that I am a big fan of emotions. Popular culture tries to tell us that emotions like happiness, peace and excitement are good emotions and feelings like sadness, anger and apathy are the bad ones. I believe that because the Lord gave us emotions, all emotions are good emotions. They are only bad when you lose control of them or they take over your life.

Fear is one of those emotions that we tend to put in the bad category because it can be mean to us when it runs wild. Fear run amuck can lead to depression, anxiety and poor decision-making. But fear itself is not bad at all when used appropriately! It can keep us out of dark alleys, creepy rest stop bathrooms and bad relationships. Fear can remind us of what happened the last time we did something silly and can warn us when people are trying to hurt us.

When fear is used effectively, it informs us of the dangers in life. It reminds us of past mistakes and slows us down if we are moving too fast. This is fear acting as wisdom. This is the kind of fear that we want to be grateful for. If you are afraid to commit to the job, or relationship, or credit card application that is just like the last job, boyfriend or payment plan that burned you, you might want to respect that fear and take a little time to do some more investigating before you leap into a situation that could result in some self sabotage.

But if that fear is the gripping kind that causes you to act irrationally and keeps you from moving forward in life because it tells you that every career move, possible relationship or financial commitment might ruin your life forever, you are giving it too much control. Fear should never be used as a guiding light because quite honestly, decisions made out of fear are rarely the best. Fear used as a guiding light can keep us from standing up for ourselves and can lead to accepting less than we need or want. Fear used as a guiding light restricts our strengths, limits our rational thought and ultimately steals our ability to thrive.

The Bible has 365 references, one for every day of the year, that remind us to keep our fear in check. One of my favorites, Isaiah 41:10 says, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

Ask yourself: Is fear your informant or are you allowing it to be a guiding light?

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Resolutions: Go big or go home!

 

Did you start this year thinking that you didn’t want to waste your time with resolutions this year? It is a week into February and many of us still can’t believe it is 2022.

At the beginning of each year, I encourage my active clients to start each year with some goals for the upcoming season in their life. Most like the exercise and we spend some of first sessions of the new year dreaming of what steps they should focus on as they strive to better their life in some way. This year is no different.

It can be difficult to dream big when you are in the middle of a crisis. By definition, everyone who is a client of mine is either in a crisis, a transition or in general need of accountability or support so it isn’t a surprise that they would want to do a hope building activity. But our world is in limbo right now as we wait to see what governments are going to decide about civil unrest, spread of disease and truths about how we live day to day. That makes all of us in need of accountability to stay on a good path. I recently read an article that discussed the ‘mass formation of psychosis” that is presenting because of the drama surrounding Covid-19. And I am definitely seeing Covid Fatigue, vaccine injury and an increase in depression and anxiety in many of my clients…so what should we do about that?

Now is the time to keep dreaming, hoping and working toward a better life. 

If you ever have wondered what you would have been like during a major war time in history or during a time where there was government crack down or civil unrest, you don’t have to wonder any more. We are in some very difficult times and the time in NOW to figure out who you are going to be. If and when we get out of this period, are you going to be able to look back and recount the ways you encouraged good things to occur in your life and the life of others? Or are you crossing your fingers in hopes that you just come out less scathed than everyone else?  As a former history teacher, I can confidently say that those who try to ride out the difficult times may survive but the people who don’t let circumstances control their destiny are the ones who emerge better and stronger than ever before. 

Have you already survived Covid-19? Have you had to reinvent yourself in the job market because of restrictions? Did you navigate home schooling, working from home and maybe having to up your game in the kitchen because you couldn’t eat out as much? Well congratulations! Give yourself some well deserved appreciation and now set your sights higher. Hope is a most powerful tool so don’t be afraid to use it to become the hero of your own life.

Trust me. I know what it is like to feel discouraged, hopeless and like everything you are trying isn’t working the way it should. You all know my story so you know that I have more than my share of those days. But at the start of each day, we each have a chance to use the circumstances that we have been given, to run the race with our whole heart, soul and strength. I encourage you to dream bigger this year than ever before.

Moved to Texas and cleared all our medical debt!

Sit down by yourself, with your spouse, with your kids or a good friend and verbalize some dreams for 2022. Is it a move to a place you have always wanted to live? Is it finally getting out of debt? (I recently cleared a whole lot of medical debt and let me tell you…that feels like an accomplishment!) Is it repairing a relationship with a wayward child or old friend? What is pulling on your heart and soul but you are afraid to commit to, because the world is a bit upside down? 

I have some goals for this year and some of them seem impossible to me with the current state of affairs but that challenge might be what keeps me from listening to the lies that are being told out there. Trying times are actually the times where long told stories are born and legacies are made. Join me! Let’s not miss out on this amazing opportunity to face our fears, rely on the God who made us and make 2022 the best year of our life. 

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love, 

Sonia

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Discernment: Use it or lose it

If I had a dollar for every time a client said to me…

“I knew that I shouldn’t have (married that guy, trusted that person, stayed in that job, gone to that party, taken that loan, bought that car, tried that drug….) but I ignored the feeling”…

Well, let’s just say I would have a few dollars.

We all have an inner compass that guides us through life. We refer to it as our gut, intuition, our energy, the Holy Spirit. That internal guide works to convict us, warn us, alert us and protect us. It can also work to confirm decisions, tell us who to trust and push us to do something good. But for some reason, many times when we are getting our strongest messages, we hesitate to listen because it may mean that we have to give up something we want or alter our path to a journey that appears more difficult to navigate and because of that, we ignore it.

Unfortunately, when we fail to trust our gut, listen to our heart, and use our discernment, it all gets a little foggy. That muscle doesn’t increase in strength, it gets weak and confused and maybe even stops working at all, leading to more bad decisions, disappointment and heartbreak.

Ohhhh….if I could back up my own life and walk away earlier from that bad business partner, that terrible church, that boss….right? Can you think of times that you allowed yourself to get beat up because you didn’t listen to that inner voice?

If you feel like you need to strengthen that muscle again, take some steps to build it up by pushing the pause button when it starts to work for you. Here are some questions to ask yourself when you are wondering if you should listen to the warning bell ringing in your head, or pay attention to the red flag waving at you:

Do I have to make this decision RIGHT NOW or can I take some time to get good counsel and think it through?

Am I making this decision just to please other people?

Does this decision benefit me as much in the future as it does in the present?

Is this situation similar to anything in my past? If so, can I use the wisdom gleaned from that situation to inform this one?

Is there anything about my situation that appears too good to be true? Should I examine this a bit more?

Will other people get hurt by this decision? Do I need to consider that before I commit to it?


Discernment is a gift. You may not always like what it is telling you to do. Honestly, that most likely is the time to really listen. Learning to trust the spirit in you is a process that leads to empowerment. Give it a try.

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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2020: Best year ever?

Wow, it has been a long year. When I think back to my last overseas mission trip last February, it seems like it was 5 years ago! The initial Italy outbreak was occurring when I was in nearby Croatia, so our volunteer team was on high alert, being so close to the devastation. We thought it was a short term current event. Who knew that we were on the cusp of our whole lives being shut down! So much has happened, and not happened, since then.

My girls were on a senior year “Spring break hurrah”, with friends, when they got the news that their university was closing down for an extra week. It would be the last time they saw most of their friends, and they never did get to walk across a stage after 4 years of exemplary work. As one of my daughter’s shared, “I was living my best life and then it was gone in an instant!”

When I talk to clients, I hear stories of incredible loss: Loss of jobs, friends, freedom, community, mental health….and more. Many people have experienced lack of closure with those they used to go to school with or folks they worked with, loved ones who have died during this time, even people who have moved away.

On top of Covid, we in the United States have had political tension that has come between even the closest of family and friends. We are divided into camps where there isn’t a lot of common ground, since many of the polarizing issues rest in people’s core value systems. Even folks who value tolerance are struggling with how to live that in our current climate.

As a counselor, my job has always been to assist people with overcoming trauma and altering victim status to empowerment status, resulting in a life well-lived. Are you able to do this with 2020? I encourage you to try…

Here is what this processing might look like. I use my own life as an example.

I am grateful that even though I was forced to close down the office space that I LOVED, I am able to see clients via Telehealth. Because of this transition, I am able to meet with clients when I travel to Phoenix for cancer treatment! I don’t have to stop working because of my diagnosis, which is an enormous blessing because I love my work and I have to work in these economic times!

I am grateful that my daughter, who had planned to take a gap year to earn money to attend grad school, could not find anyone hiring during the shutdown, so she applied to grad school early and ended up with a full ride scholarship. She would never thought that possible. Covid forced her into pursuing her dream!

I am grateful that my online church encouraged me to join a virtual small group, because they were proactive in creating community during the shutdown. My church is in Texas, so I never dreamed that I would connect, as I have, with anyone in the congregation! Now we have dear friends in town when we visit our girls! I also have numerous friends who I talk to more often because we have scheduled weekly, bi-weekly or monthly conversations using Zoom or Face Time.

I am also grateful that through this last year, I have seen people’s colors…some of those colors darker and some brighter than others. I have been able to see people’s love and hate, and their thoughtfulness and lack thereof. I have been disappointed in some behaviors but motivated by others, as we all respond to the crisis at hand. I have learned who are my people and who are not. As painful as that can be sometimes, it is a gift.

I could go on…but you get the process. Romans 8:28 tells us that, “In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. The promise does not say that life will be easy but rather, we can turn hard times into purposeful living. What hardship of 2020 has lead to an unexpected blessing? Are you able to resist the urge to see this as a terrible, no good year, but rather see it as a time of refinement of who you are going forward?

World-changers are people who take their trauma and do something good with it. They use their character building tough days, as motivation for making their family, their community, and even the earth a better place. Google “People who overcame adversity to do big things” and you will see lists and lists of people who didn’t stop because they endured a hardship. We all have 2020 as a springboard into a great 2021. Do you accept the challenge?

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Rebuild: Loss after laying it on the field

Caring about football is new to me. I grew up in a boy-house, so I had lots of opportunity to be a fan, if I had wanted that. A father and two brothers who love sports meant that our weekends and Monday nights were filled with games on TV. But it wasn’t until my girls started attending Baylor University, and I got caught up in their underdog team, that I became passionate. I am now a crazy fan who has lucky Baylor clothes and I admit to having screamed, cheered, prayed…all on behalf of a team, playing a game.

Having my team go to the championship game, in my girl’s senior year, was something I predicted their freshman year, and I have been anticipating the game all season. When my Bears lost their first string quarterback early in the game, to a concussion, I was praying for a miracle. We almost got it. I really thought we had it, when our third string QB passed for a touchdown tying the game. Losing in overtime, after watching those boys lay it all on the field was heartbreaking.

In those final seconds, when it became clear that the game could not be won, I had an aha about how this relates to everyday life.

Have you ever laid it all on the field of life…in a relationship, a job, or a dream…only to lose in the final moments? Has your heart been broken by situations or by people, in a way that impacts you for a long time? Have you, at those times, felt defeated in a way that makes you question if all the hard work was worth it?

Broken hearts and broken dreams can either steal our hope or empower us for more. It all depends on how we process and learn from those seasons of life. I have brokenness in my past. I am refusing to let it ruin me. How about you? Do you have situations that need reframing, and healing so that you can move forward with wisdom, learned skills, new dreams and vision for your future?

Experience tells me that when we allow healing to take place, the new relationships, new dreams and new possibilities can wow us in a way we never thought possible! But we must let the good in! What, in your life, do you need to embrace as part of the journey so that you can move into new life?

As always, let me know if I can help. But don’t call on January 1… I will be cheering for my Baylor Bears who will, no doubt, be even better on the field than ever!

With love,

Sonia

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Stranger Danger: When do we outgrow, “Don’t talk to strangers!” ?

relationship
New relationships can facilitate growth

When my twins were little, we attracted a fair amount of attention wherever we went. It turns out, people are fascinated with twins, even when the sleep deprived parents look like they are near death. This was not a big deal when they were babies, but as soon as they were old enough to walk and talk, the parental level of alertness increased, for the people who would interact with our girls. We met some really nice people this way. However, I will never forget the eerily calm request to “back away”, coming from my husband, when he observed a strange man offering our girls candy and stroking one of our daughter’s hair, in an airport. Who would imagine that someone would be so brazen with parents so close? It could have been that we didn’t look like we had the energy for any kind of fight. Regardless, so began the conversations with our children about strangers being “the enemy.”

I have been struck lately, both as I counsel and as I live life, that those who we are familiar with are not necessarily any safer or more of a beneficiary, than those who we have never seen in our life. In fact, sometimes those who we have known or those who feel like they know us, are more dangerous to us, than those who do not. They can be dangerous because when we feel safe, we often don’t acknowledge that someone we trust could knowingly or unknowingly hurt us. As statistics prove, sexual abuse of children more often occurs between a trusted adult and child, than between strangers. This is also statistically true with home invasion. Yet, as adults we live with an expectation that those we are familiar with, those who have known us a long time and those who we interact with on a regular basis, hold more standing, and we don’t always keep our internal antenna on the alert for those who may not always have our best interest at heart. While we might not be in danger of overt abuse, we may through our negligence, get stuck in a less than productive or even hurtful dynamic. More importantly, we often hide from strangers who actually might be exactly what we need for our personal or career growth.

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