Tag: purpose

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Self Care: Not just a bubble bath

Y’all know that I don’t love it when popular culture runs wild with terminology used in therapy. So many terms being misused out there! Not everyone is bi-polar or narcissistic, for your information. Recently someone told me that she was recovering from a self care drunken night out with friends and I admit, I winced. People! You shouldn’t have to recover from self care!

Now before you go thinking that I am judgey and start rolling your eyes in my direction, let me clarify that if going out with the girls and throwing back a few is a good time for you, by all means go. But if you are calling this event self care, be sure that after participating in the event, you can honestly say you are a much better person for going and you are more ready to take on the world because of the time spent. A good time is a good time but it isn’t always self care.

Another misconception is that if a tired mommy can just get a bubble bath every once in awhile, she can check self care off her To Do list and be ready to take on whatever comes her way. While a long soak is a wonderful end to the day for some of us, that isn’t quite enough for most people. It might take the edge off but self care is meant to go a little deeper.

When women come to me for counseling because they feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life, the dynamics of relationships and the pitfalls of living in this world, neither one night out with some friends or a fancy hygiene ritual is likely to be the fix. The women who pay for ongoing counseling are coming because in their journey of life, they lost their sense of self along the way and they need some tools to recapture their empowered self.

Self care, in the therapeutic sense addresses more than just the needs at the surface. It addresses the calling of one’s intellectual, physical and spiritual self. Let’s break these down practically so that you can start thinking of your own ideas of how to feed these areas of your life.

MIND: We are learners by nature. We are happiest when we are thinking about, reading about and listening to subjects and ideas we are interested in. What are you doing to feed your mind and keep your thoughts positive?

BODY: Our bodies need sustenance, rest and rehabilitation. Take a look at how you are treating your body and ask yourself if you are getting the nutrition and exercise needed for your busy life. Are you taking time to go to the doctor, the gym, the nutritionist or the salon?

SOUL: It is far too easy to overlook the needs of our heart. What are rituals that feed your soul? Do you meditate or journal? Do you spend time in nature or take time to read the Bible? Is there a self-help book you have wanted to dive into?

This just scratches the surface of self care but I hope it gets you thinking. When we take good care of ourselves, we are empowered to better care for others. You will know that your self care is effective, not because you have to recover from it, but rather you will feel prepared and able to better serve others!

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Fear: Informant or Guiding Light

My clients all know that I am a big fan of emotions. Popular culture tries to tell us that emotions like happiness, peace and excitement are good emotions and feelings like sadness, anger and apathy are the bad ones. I believe that because the Lord gave us emotions, all emotions are good emotions. They are only bad when you lose control of them or they take over your life.

Fear is one of those emotions that we tend to put in the bad category because it can be mean to us when it runs wild. Fear run amuck can lead to depression, anxiety and poor decision-making. But fear itself is not bad at all when used appropriately! It can keep us out of dark alleys, creepy rest stop bathrooms and bad relationships. Fear can remind us of what happened the last time we did something silly and can warn us when people are trying to hurt us.

When fear is used effectively, it informs us of the dangers in life. It reminds us of past mistakes and slows us down if we are moving too fast. This is fear acting as wisdom. This is the kind of fear that we want to be grateful for. If you are afraid to commit to the job, or relationship, or credit card application that is just like the last job, boyfriend or payment plan that burned you, you might want to respect that fear and take a little time to do some more investigating before you leap into a situation that could result in some self sabotage.

But if that fear is the gripping kind that causes you to act irrationally and keeps you from moving forward in life because it tells you that every career move, possible relationship or financial commitment might ruin your life forever, you are giving it too much control. Fear should never be used as a guiding light because quite honestly, decisions made out of fear are rarely the best. Fear used as a guiding light can keep us from standing up for ourselves and can lead to accepting less than we need or want. Fear used as a guiding light restricts our strengths, limits our rational thought and ultimately steals our ability to thrive.

The Bible has 365 references, one for every day of the year, that remind us to keep our fear in check. One of my favorites, Isaiah 41:10 says, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

Ask yourself: Is fear your informant or are you allowing it to be a guiding light?

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia

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Resolutions: Go big or go home!

 

Did you start this year thinking that you didn’t want to waste your time with resolutions this year? It is a week into February and many of us still can’t believe it is 2022.

At the beginning of each year, I encourage my active clients to start each year with some goals for the upcoming season in their life. Most like the exercise and we spend some of first sessions of the new year dreaming of what steps they should focus on as they strive to better their life in some way. This year is no different.

It can be difficult to dream big when you are in the middle of a crisis. By definition, everyone who is a client of mine is either in a crisis, a transition or in general need of accountability or support so it isn’t a surprise that they would want to do a hope building activity. But our world is in limbo right now as we wait to see what governments are going to decide about civil unrest, spread of disease and truths about how we live day to day. That makes all of us in need of accountability to stay on a good path. I recently read an article that discussed the ‘mass formation of psychosis” that is presenting because of the drama surrounding Covid-19. And I am definitely seeing Covid Fatigue, vaccine injury and an increase in depression and anxiety in many of my clients…so what should we do about that?

Now is the time to keep dreaming, hoping and working toward a better life. 

If you ever have wondered what you would have been like during a major war time in history or during a time where there was government crack down or civil unrest, you don’t have to wonder any more. We are in some very difficult times and the time in NOW to figure out who you are going to be. If and when we get out of this period, are you going to be able to look back and recount the ways you encouraged good things to occur in your life and the life of others? Or are you crossing your fingers in hopes that you just come out less scathed than everyone else?  As a former history teacher, I can confidently say that those who try to ride out the difficult times may survive but the people who don’t let circumstances control their destiny are the ones who emerge better and stronger than ever before. 

Have you already survived Covid-19? Have you had to reinvent yourself in the job market because of restrictions? Did you navigate home schooling, working from home and maybe having to up your game in the kitchen because you couldn’t eat out as much? Well congratulations! Give yourself some well deserved appreciation and now set your sights higher. Hope is a most powerful tool so don’t be afraid to use it to become the hero of your own life.

Trust me. I know what it is like to feel discouraged, hopeless and like everything you are trying isn’t working the way it should. You all know my story so you know that I have more than my share of those days. But at the start of each day, we each have a chance to use the circumstances that we have been given, to run the race with our whole heart, soul and strength. I encourage you to dream bigger this year than ever before.

Moved to Texas and cleared all our medical debt!

Sit down by yourself, with your spouse, with your kids or a good friend and verbalize some dreams for 2022. Is it a move to a place you have always wanted to live? Is it finally getting out of debt? (I recently cleared a whole lot of medical debt and let me tell you…that feels like an accomplishment!) Is it repairing a relationship with a wayward child or old friend? What is pulling on your heart and soul but you are afraid to commit to, because the world is a bit upside down? 

I have some goals for this year and some of them seem impossible to me with the current state of affairs but that challenge might be what keeps me from listening to the lies that are being told out there. Trying times are actually the times where long told stories are born and legacies are made. Join me! Let’s not miss out on this amazing opportunity to face our fears, rely on the God who made us and make 2022 the best year of our life. 

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love, 

Sonia

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Ministry and Life Update: Fall 2021

Most people who follow my blog also follow me on Facebook, so you know that I have spent the last few months running around with my head cut off. I recently realized that I had not done a ministry update in quite some time so here it is! Fashionably late.

You would think that being in the mortgage business, we would be able to anticipate and avoid any drama around a move, but it turns out we got to experience all the things: house sold, fell out of escrow, sold again, tried to find small renovated house but ended up with big house needing lots of work, because the market was crazier in Texas than in Colorado, movers not showing up as planned and then overcharging us to fix their mistake, last minute hiccups with home inspection for new house…but PRAISE THE LORD, here I am sitting in my home office finally feeling a bit settled, if one can feel settled as our world spins like a whirling dervish.

The day that our home closed, I drove to Beaver Creek, Colorado to serve at the Thrive retreat for global workers home on furlough. What a joy to be able to meet in person and see how God works to meet the needs of those serving Him! My husband is a saint for meeting the moving truck and dealing with the initial move in without me, before flying back to Colorado to drive our car down to Waco together. At that retreat, 20 volunteers and attendees tested positive for Covid but fortunately everyone got to build their immunity, without any reporting that they needed more than some time at home recovering. However, the whole event has caused Thrive to reconsider the upcoming retreats overseas, which changes my game plan for the next year.

It would seem like I would be sitting around waiting for an opportunity to go overseas, but my work has been relocated for the time being, to the seat I am sitting in right now. Thanks to technology, I am able to continue counseling with women who need ongoing support. I continue to run my private practice online, using a specialized secure application, and I intentionally reserve spots in my schedule for women serving in ministry around the world.

I share this with you, my supporters, because I want you to know that your financial support is enabling me to continue this important work. I receive a small monthly stipend from the donations sent to my ministry through Paraclete Ministries, so that I can offer highly discounted counseling to women who are unable to afford ongoing treatment. I have become quite good at managing communication with various time zones and offer sessions at all times of the day and evening when necessary. Under my current stipend, I can offer a few women a weekly session each month but I hope to expand this while we wait for borders to open up. Click here if you would like to participate in making counseling available to women serving globally…and never hesitate to connect me to someone you know that may need this service. 

As I settle into Waco, I have already had the opportunity to get acquainted with amazing people doing local and overseas work and can’t wait to see what evolves out of these initial conversations. My inclination is to get excited and jump in wherever there is a need but I am feeling a sense that I need to wait for just the right fit, where I can use my gifts and time most effectively. Please pray with me, as more than ever, I want to use my time here on earth to God’s glory.

On a very personal note, I have had some interesting moments in the last few months as I continue with what will be lifelong cancer treatment. As is common with those battling chronic cancer, my current protocol has become less effective over time and while my tumor markers are still lower than they were even a year ago, we are starting to see my body resist my current treatment. We will be making some big decisions next month and I covet your prayers. I often truthfully joke that I not afraid of dying but I am afraid of suffering and currently my suffering is confined to only my treatment days. I honestly feel fantastic the rest of the time. So a change of treatment is a big decision.

In closing, I will share the fun part of our new life in Texas! I get to see my precious girls all the time and I might never be cold again! Mike says he traded shoveling snow for skimming leaves out of our pool. We are currently drinking the Baylor Kool-Aid every chance we get…football, theater, taking walks on the campus. Last week we joined Antioch Church, where we have been attending online for 5 years. We still need to put a few more pictures on the walls but it is all coming along and we are excited that family and friends have already booked some weekends in our guest room during the upcoming months.

Thank you, dear friends and supporters, for all you do. Y’all will never know how much I appreciate you! (Working on my Texas speak!)

With love,

Sonia

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Ministry Update: 2020 was busy!

I lit a candle for my health in this church in Croatia…not my normal tradition but it will always be special to me now in light of this past year.

2020 sure did bring some surprises to my ministry but thankfully, the Lord provided many opportunities for great connections!

I started 2020 working a Thrive retreat in Croatia, just when Covid was ramping up in nearby Italy. It was a last minute trip for me as I had to raise those funds in a very short window after serving in Estonia the previous Fall. Obviously, I had no idea at that time, what crazy times were on the horizon. It felt like as soon as the team landed back in the United States, everything started to shut down. Thrive retreats scheduled for later in the year were all cancelled.

Fortunately, my role as lead mentor for Thrive’s Alongside ministry did not stop because of The Rona. We continue to meet the needs of women serving overseas via online applications like Zoom and FaceTime. Thrive launched an online retreat called Gather and our numbers of mentor and mentee connections continue to rise. I am currently managing a team of 25 mentors who meet with 1-3 women apiece. We are excited about this growth and anticipate even more connections after another Gather event in February 2021. Of course, our prayer is that in-person retreats will resume as well in this next year. I plan to jump into action as soon as it is possible to do so.

In addition to working with Thrive, I continue to offer discounted and free counseling to many women I have met over the years in my travels. These sessions are made possible through donations from my supporters, who I am grateful to, for their ongoing support during this tumultuous year!

Many of you have been so supportive as I continue to battle cancer on a daily basis. I SO appreciate your kind notes and encouraging comments on social media. What a blessing to feel the love when I am at those icky doctors appointments! You may be wondering how this changes my work life. Honestly, it doesn’t. While the chemotherapy and the infusions can be rough, I have found that I do better if I keep a busy schedule. Focusing on my clients, who I meet with via Telehealth, is invigorating and I do not plan to end my time in private practice anytime soon. In fact, Telehealth has made it possible for me to travel to Phoenix monthly for treatment and not miss a beat with my clients. And PRAISE THE LORD…my new protocol continues to bring positive results. I have a great team of doctors who are all working to get me the treatment I need, with the least possible side effects. Some days are rough but most days I live life fully.

For 2021, I am again hoping to raise $18,000 to cover all my ministry expenses. I ask that you consider my ministry as you are making decisions about your year end giving and your philanthropy for the coming year. I know there are many worthwhile causes out there so I am grateful to those of you who continually put your trust in my work. You can donate here…Thank you for your sacrificial giving!

A strange blessing for me this past year is that my almost 7 year battle with cancer prepared me for life in a pandemic. I was wearing masks and over sanitizing long before the whole world shut down. I remember many plane flights in my past where folks would obviously avoid sitting next to me in my mask that I had to wear. Now I am one in the crowd and no one stares at me! I wasn’t afraid in the old days and I am not afraid now. Isn’t it comforting to know that our days are numbered by the Lord and the best place to be is in His will?

Blessings to all of you. My prayer for you as we enter 2021 is that God’s plan for your life will be clear to you in 2021!

With love,

Sonia

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2020: Best year ever?

Wow, it has been a long year. When I think back to my last overseas mission trip last February, it seems like it was 5 years ago! The initial Italy outbreak was occurring when I was in nearby Croatia, so our volunteer team was on high alert, being so close to the devastation. We thought it was a short term current event. Who knew that we were on the cusp of our whole lives being shut down! So much has happened, and not happened, since then.

My girls were on a senior year “Spring break hurrah”, with friends, when they got the news that their university was closing down for an extra week. It would be the last time they saw most of their friends, and they never did get to walk across a stage after 4 years of exemplary work. As one of my daughter’s shared, “I was living my best life and then it was gone in an instant!”

When I talk to clients, I hear stories of incredible loss: Loss of jobs, friends, freedom, community, mental health….and more. Many people have experienced lack of closure with those they used to go to school with or folks they worked with, loved ones who have died during this time, even people who have moved away.

On top of Covid, we in the United States have had political tension that has come between even the closest of family and friends. We are divided into camps where there isn’t a lot of common ground, since many of the polarizing issues rest in people’s core value systems. Even folks who value tolerance are struggling with how to live that in our current climate.

As a counselor, my job has always been to assist people with overcoming trauma and altering victim status to empowerment status, resulting in a life well-lived. Are you able to do this with 2020? I encourage you to try…

Here is what this processing might look like. I use my own life as an example.

I am grateful that even though I was forced to close down the office space that I LOVED, I am able to see clients via Telehealth. Because of this transition, I am able to meet with clients when I travel to Phoenix for cancer treatment! I don’t have to stop working because of my diagnosis, which is an enormous blessing because I love my work and I have to work in these economic times!

I am grateful that my daughter, who had planned to take a gap year to earn money to attend grad school, could not find anyone hiring during the shutdown, so she applied to grad school early and ended up with a full ride scholarship. She would never thought that possible. Covid forced her into pursuing her dream!

I am grateful that my online church encouraged me to join a virtual small group, because they were proactive in creating community during the shutdown. My church is in Texas, so I never dreamed that I would connect, as I have, with anyone in the congregation! Now we have dear friends in town when we visit our girls! I also have numerous friends who I talk to more often because we have scheduled weekly, bi-weekly or monthly conversations using Zoom or Face Time.

I am also grateful that through this last year, I have seen people’s colors…some of those colors darker and some brighter than others. I have been able to see people’s love and hate, and their thoughtfulness and lack thereof. I have been disappointed in some behaviors but motivated by others, as we all respond to the crisis at hand. I have learned who are my people and who are not. As painful as that can be sometimes, it is a gift.

I could go on…but you get the process. Romans 8:28 tells us that, “In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. The promise does not say that life will be easy but rather, we can turn hard times into purposeful living. What hardship of 2020 has lead to an unexpected blessing? Are you able to resist the urge to see this as a terrible, no good year, but rather see it as a time of refinement of who you are going forward?

World-changers are people who take their trauma and do something good with it. They use their character building tough days, as motivation for making their family, their community, and even the earth a better place. Google “People who overcame adversity to do big things” and you will see lists and lists of people who didn’t stop because they endured a hardship. We all have 2020 as a springboard into a great 2021. Do you accept the challenge?

As always, let me know if I can help.

With love,

Sonia