Category: Relationships

We are in the throws of the ugliest political season I have ever seen. I have given up trying to enter into discussion about which disgusting person is better for our nation. My world is small anyway. I work with women, one on one, in a room, whether in the United States or around the world. I work to promote their dreams, their worth and their purpose. My hope, my deep longing, is that while our politicians battle it out, our nation begins to realize that feminism is no longer just about getting to vote, being paid more, or promoting sexual freedom. Feminism, if we are able to embrace the bigness of the concept, involves more than being president of a company or the nation, or getting free birth control. Feminism, the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities, goes way beyond this very limited public discussion.

When I began to see clients about 6 years ago, I was shocked at how the conversation with many of the women I saw, turned to emotional and sexual exploitation in their past. The number of women that have been harassed, molested, raped or passed over for not putting out, is mind blowing. The number of women scorned for their unplanned pregnancy, their choice to birth a child or their unfortunate decision to abort, is staggering. And don’t get me started on how many women endure verbal abuse that could show up on an x-ray machine of their heart.  I have been so impacted by how even one abusive incident can wreak havoc on a life. Abuse of women can be overt but it can also be very subtle. It can be found in the unspoken expectations, the lack of safety for female voices and the encouragement of behaviors that are not in the best interest of women overall.

Continue reading “Ladies, it is your life: Feminism in the counseling space”

My husband and I were some of the first parents we knew that allowed our 5th graders to have cell phones. You would have thought we bought them cocaine with all the flack from parents in our little community, who thought our use of cell phones was pre-mature. It makes me laugh out loud now because we would be normal today. Our decision at the time, appeared indulgent but in fact, we were trying to parent wisely. Mike traveled most of every week and when I dropped one child off for soccer practice and drove the other across town for dance, I needed to feel like both kids could get in contact me if there was an emergency. I am not sure if you have noticed but there is no such thing as a pay phone anymore.

Be encouraged. We did not hand our impressionable angels their devices and then act as if they were equipped in any way to use them in a mature way. We parented. No phones at the dinner table, no phones after we go to bed (this one changed later on), and absolutely nothing that could keep them from getting into college or getting a job was allowed on their phone. Early on, we established a family policy that allows any member of the family to view the contents of any other member’s phone and yes, we all have a tracking application so that any time, we can find one another if need be. You would actually be surprised at how the tracking device comes in handy for someone like me, who is directionally challenged. This policy started from day one and as a result, communication has always been open and now 7 years later, there is little need to check or track anything that is happening on our girls’ phones. Little need, because the communication was established before any crisis demanded that we intervene.

Continue reading “Parenting is a life-long commitment: Why have some parents already left the building?”

Just days ago, I returned from being part of an all-female team, serving global women who in turn, dedicate their lives to the lost and forgotten of the world. Experience says that all that estrogen in one setting is a recipe for tension but as I have experienced with this group before, when team is done well, it is a beautiful thing.

We have all been raised on the mantra that there is no “I” in TEAM. Technically and grammatically speaking, this is obviously correct. However, as one who works in and with teams, I have come to realize that most dysfunction occurs when individuals within a team feel misunderstood, unappreciated or ignored for their individual contribution. This can be applied to a team as small as a nuclear family and to a team of 36 women who join together for a 10 day project half way around the world.

1 Peter 4:10-11 says that God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. The text reminds us to use them well to serve one another.

If you are in a situation where your gifts are not being utilized or the gifts of others do not allow you to contribute effectively, there might be a need for some adjustment of roles! This also applies to family life where it takes work to bring out the best in each member.

Continue reading “If there is no “i” in your team, you might be spelling it wrong”