Mike and I have almost been married for 28 years and almost every one of those years, we sat down at the start of the year and laid out some hopes and dreams for the year…not so much typical resolutions like going to the gym more or losing weight, but forward thinking plans, to be intentional about in the new year. We have always loved that time to reset, plan and strategize, to improve life as we know it.
However, we entered 2020 with a heavy back pack and honestly, we still haven’t sat down for our yearly goal setting. 2019 ended with losing our sweet pup, Lola, after 13 1/2 years of dedicated service to our family, and my oncologist suggesting a PET scan, because my tumor markers continue to creep upwards. We were in the middle of an insurance battle to get the test approved, feeling discouraged because our medical bills feel like a second home mortgage, without the beachfront view. Sometimes it is hard to dream when you are determined to “just keep swimming”.
Throughout 2019, so many precious people have prayed with us, spoke words of encouragement and pronounced victory over our journey, but it is still so scary when medical science suggests otherwise. The baggage of the last 6 years…of surgeries and chemotherapy…of not always hearing good news…of being given timelines that seem too short…statistics supporting terrible outcomes…it can be hard to believe that anything will change! Right? Do you know that feeling? Can you relate to the feeling of trying super hard and having desired results feel out of reach?
The day before the PET scan, I was challenged by a pastor, to identify what I wanted for my relationship with God this year. My first response was to list my petitions of healing and restoration. But as I journaled and prayed, I felt the Lord ask me if I would BELIEVE, so I concluded that what I wanted for 2020 was to believe that the Lord’s plan is one I can trust and no matter what, I would praise Him. Trust Him…BELIEVE HIM. Believe that the God of the universe truly does want good things for me and that His timing is perfect.
Leaving our cares on the altar is easier said than done…we all know that. Can I do that in 2020?
This week I am indeed praising the Lord…the scan showed NO evidence of progression of disease. The back pack, for now, is lifted! I can breathe in, and live a little more fully. I even talked my oncologist into giving me a 3 month hiatus from the chemo! (You have no idea what a blessing that is!!!!)
But for those of you have lived with ongoing dilemmas in your life, you know the fear I have to push down, the uncertainty I have to ignore and the effort it takes to believe… It is hard.
I don’t know the baggage y’all are carrying into 2020 or the pain brought on by life, that you wish would just go away. I don’t know what situation makes it hard for you to hope and dream. But resolutions are statements of resolve…not silly goals…STATEMENTS OF RESOLVE. I resolve to press on. I resolve to serve others so that they might get a glimpse of heaven on earth. I resolve to love fully and passionately. And I resolve to praise the Lord for all He has done…some of it I REALLY appreciate and some of it, I absolutely hate.
Our baggage speaks to the resolutions we need to make. What baggage is influencing you? What resolutions do you need to make?
As always, let me know if I can help.