I find it kind of funny when counselor terms start to be used in pop culture. Of course, the definition changes as people throw around terms like bi-polar, narcissist, OCD…and unfortunately sometimes people who know a little bit about these diagnosis don’t always get it all the way right…but it is still a step in the right direction of the general public realizing that sometimes people have a reason behind their confusing actions. A term that I am hearing more and more people use is PROCESSING. In a general sense, when used in a social context, it often means that you aren’t ready to respond to a comment or situation because you are still sorting it all out and haven’t reached a conclusion. It is also a good way to avoid a conversation that has the chance of getting heated when you don’t have the energy for that. For example, “I am processing all the changes that are going on in the world right now.” This open-ended processing could go on forever and that isn’t really how processing is used when you are sitting on the therapy couch.
Processing, in a counselor setting, is a whole bunch more than that. Healthy processing leads to improved emotional health and hopefully some personal empowerment. I thought it might be helpful to share some things I look for when I am processing with my clients. 
As you may have guessed, a prospective client never calls me to tell me how great everything in their life is going. There is always a life situation that seems overwhelming, confusing, traumatizing or paralyzing. They often have thoughts in their head, feelings in their heart, pain in their body and maybe even some money invested in a lawyer…and together we need to find a way to get all of those things to have less of a negative effect on their daily walk. I like to process following a multi-step journey: thinking, feeling, articulating, advocating and finally, empowerment/life change.
THINKING: Each of us has a lifetime of family life, education, peer groups, experiences, jobs, church life, and sometimes some trauma that leads us to our opinions of how to view our current situation. As we face a new energy-draining situation, our mind calls on past knowledge and experience to give us an opinion of how to go forward. Sometimes this opinion is spot on and other times, it is informed by something traumatic (triggers), leading us to some foggy thinking rather than clear and rational thought. Talking with a therapist about your history lets them know what life experiences in your past are informing how you respond to the situation in front of you.
FEELING: When faced with a tough moment in life, our emotions can sometimes get the best of us. In those moments of feeling abandoned, hurt, betrayed, or scorned, our response might look like anger instead of the real emotion. Sometimes there is a tendency to shut down, cry or have an anxiety attack instead of expressing the actual emotions being experienced. Being able to properly identity what emotion you are experiencing helps you to respond to a situation properly rather than with an emotion-response that fuels the disfunction in front of you.
ARTICULATING: Most people have a tendency to either bottle up emotions or let them run wild. This leads to arguments and interactions that become shut down or turns the conversation from an ant to a mole hill. Articulating at the right time, with carefully chosen words that accurately express how you feel and what you hope to see happen, leads to healthy interactions with people you love or at least have to live or work with on a regular basis. Having a safe space to write your script is important when navigating tough situations.
ADVOCATING: Once we have processed a situation or dynamic that required some unpacking, it is important to use that new understanding to advocate for yourself and others in a healthy manner. When you have processed well, you should have an understanding of why you were affected a particular way, an ability to express how you feel about the situation and words to describe how you would like to go forward with this new knowledge and clarity. You should know better how to explain yourself and what needs are being met or need attention.
LIFE CHANGE: Often at the summation of counseling, I will ask a client, “How will you know that the issue we have been processing is leading to life change?” It is important to have a goal for your processing that involves empowerment and improved relationships. People who utilize processing skills well, have better communication and conflict outcomes that indicate good boundaries, met goals and resolved conflict. 
It is always a good self check to ask yourself if all your processing is leading to more drama or to a feeling of confidence with forward life movement. If there is a situation in your life that needs some working through, find a quiet space, a trusted friend or….let me know if I can help.
With love,
Sonia
everyone needs a little
